I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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