is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
