Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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