i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
