It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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