is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The feeling are messing with the penis
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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