im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
