They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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