She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
