I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
