i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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