you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Randomize
