the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
