Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
