Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
