Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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