We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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