Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
