I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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