This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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