i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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