I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
