you guys were way drunker than both of me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
