A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
