Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
