just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
