Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
