i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
