cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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