my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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