he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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