If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
