its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
how does that bad decision feel?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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