the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
