i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
