It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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