Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And then he peed in my hair
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
