there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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