I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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