If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
