Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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