Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
