i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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