Cold hands, warm shart.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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