I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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