You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
