So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
