1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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