Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
