I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
