i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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