he was CRYING into my vagina
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize